Transitions

There are many transitions children go through when moving to a new location. Whether it’s a new state, country, neighborhood or school or job, all of us experience a wide range of emotions. As a counselor I have the opportunity of talking with children about their feelings. No matter what age or nationality most will share that the hardest part of moving is leaving behind friends, pets, school or home. Being transplanted to a new country, a new culture, a new neighborhood and most importantly a new school, is a significant event in children’s lives.

One of my responsibilities is to help children make the transition just a little easier. Typically this is through a forum where they can openly discuss and share with each other where they come from, talk about their past experiences and share what is going well and areas they would like to be better. When the question is asked, ‘What do you miss the most?’ usually children will answer, ‘friends.’ When asked about their fears they wonder whether anyone will like them. This is often combined with their anxiety on whether they speak or understand English. In their eyes, often it seems like everyone else has already developed friendships.

Parents can be instrumental in helping children through this transition stage. It is important that we take every opportunity to talk with them about their feelings of leaving friends behind and the anxiety of making new friends. Children are not accustomed to sitting down and discussing issues with adults for long periods of time so look for natural opportunities, such as doing something together, to offer emotional support and verbal encouragement. Children often say they were not able to adequately say goodbye to friends because they did not have enough time. It is very important that children have time and opportunities to say goodbye to friends and equally important they continue to have contact with that special friend. Encourage them to ask questions and discuss fears or problems they might experience. Keep the discussions short and in line with your child’s developmental age. Listen to your children express their emotions without being critical, defensive, or trying to “fix” the emotion. Rather let them know you understand they are feeling sad or lonely, offer reassurance that they will feel better, and share some of your own experiences about leaving old friends and making new ones.

Schools can play an important role in how your child adjusts to the transition as well. Get to know your child’s teacher. Teachers are a great source of information. They usually have special plans on integrating a new student to the class. Find information about clubs and after school activities that are available, where children spend out of school time and what resources are available to newcomers.

Here are a few tips gathered from kids about making friends.

• It’s hard for kids to get to know you if you never talk to them. So just start talking, but make sure to listen to them as well.
• Say, ‘Hi.’ Tell them your name that you’re new and where you come from.

• Be nice to everybody, and try to find kids who are interested in the same things as you.

• Join in activities like Cub Scouts, the soccer team or an After School Activity.
• Ask them to do something with you, play together at recess, sit together at lunch or snack, ask them to come over and see your games.

As a resource and support for students and parents please know I am available to talk with you and/or your child. Feel free to contact me at school or home regarding questions, concerns or just to chat and share ideas.

Dave Prewitt
Elementary School Counselor